The Guru Is A Fallacy

The guru is a fallacy.

The man standing on the mountaintop that has mastered all the skills needed to get where you want to go, is a lie. A sham. A figurehead created to perpetuate a myth, to milk massive amounts of dollars out of your pockets.

Yes there are people who have mastered many skills. Yes, there are people who have endured many battles. Yes, there are people who possess what you need to know, and can provide to you knowledge without you having to obtain it the hard way.

But these gurus are not magical beings. They are humans, pure flesh and blood, just like you. They don’t need pedestal or accolades as much as they need a cup of coffee and a good conversation.

Beware the ones that introduce themselves to you as a guru. That should tell you all you need to know.

What Is The Price Of Admission?

Yesterday was our family’s weekend to help out in the nursery at church. By ‘our family’ I and the nursery/ Sunday School coordinator totally meant my wife. But I was there, we arrived early, and one of the guys who was assigned to work security was sick. So I got to walk the church and the parking lot for two hours with a shiny vest and not very much actual authority. 

But that is beside the point. I helped out willingly. I also helped out joyfully, as in I was happy to help out, even if I was not very joyful (and more than a little bored) in the task given. After all, a boring day of working security isn’t a bad way to spend the day.

A church can symbolize different things for different people, but one common denominator is that it is an assembly of like-minded people who are working to obtain a very similar main goal. Even if the various congregations among the various denominations can’t agree with the path to the ultimate goal (eternal salvation), the people in the particular groupings operated mostly on the same page of overall goals They what fellowship with like and like-minded people, spiritual enrichment, a lesson learned, and a little entertainment (cuz some people only go to church to hear the choir).

What does it cost to gain the right to gather in the/a house of the Lord for a few hours on a Sunday? For the Pastor and church staff, it costs them real time to prepare and real money to have a space to occupy. To you, well, it actually costs you nothing. There is the tithe and offering, and that may regulate your ability to have the full rights as a voting member of the church, but not to attend. 

The whole goal of having a church is to have a place for people to go looking for spiritual guidance, which shouldn’t cost of thing if you are in need. If you go to the emergency room in need of life saving surgery, the doctors perform it, then the hospital does whatever it can to suck every dollar possible out of you afterward. If you go to a concert hall looking for entertainment, you have to buy a ticket before you walk into the building. If you go to a bar looking for, um, entertainment, you have to pay for your drinks ahead of time, or run a tab that must be settled before you leave the bar. 

Contrast that idea with you wanting to wander around a shopping mall. You don’t ever have to buy a thing. You are allowed access for your potential to buy something. The rent is paid by those that do buy things. If enough other people buy enough things, you can window shop to your heart’s content.

But I opened with a story that described my time volunteering for my church. Replace the church with any community organization, whether government or privately funded, and the same foot traffic analogy almost always applies. Somebody may be paying the bills to keep the doors open, and if that is you, great. If even or if not, there is some volunteer work that could make a difference.

The nursery makes a difference in me getting to hear, enjoy and learn every Sunday morning just like the day care makes a difference in me getting any work done at my job or in my side gigs (ever taken a toddler to work with you on a day when your city is crippled by snow and ice?) I don’t pay admission for church services, and I don’t pay a fee for sending the toddler to the nursery. So I give a little time and effort for the time and effort I am allowed to have in exchange. It really was not too much of them to ask, and I was more than willing to oblige, even if that particular day’s task wasn’t a boost to my never-fully-satisfied ego. 

Are you using a community asset to your fullest, but not providing real support to keep it maintained? Maybe it’s not a matter of them wanting more money out of your checkbook, but needing more time out of your schedule. I know you’re tired and busy, but you should try to help. Do it willingly. Do it joyfully. You’ll see the difference that it makes.

Edison Only As Good As His 10,000 Failures?

When we think of the now dying incandescent light bulb, we think of Thomas Alva Edison and his 10,000 prototypes. It’s a story that has grown in the century plus since it happened, and would fit in perfectly with the cult of personality that today’s tech pioneers enjoy. But is it a complete story? Let’s go a few years back. Somewhere before the work in the Menlo Park laboratory and see what it took to get to prototypes number 1.

In 1850, Edward Shepard invented an electrical incandescent arc lamp using a charcoal filament.

In 1854, Henricg Globel invented the first true light bulb, using a carbonized bamboo filament placed inside a glass bulb.

In 1875, Herman Sprengel invented the mercury vacuum pump making it possible to develop a practical electric light bulb. Also in 1875, Henry Woodward and Matthew Evans patented a light bulb.

In 1878, Sir Joseph Wilson Swan was the first person to invent a practical and longer-lasting electric light bulb using a carbon fiber filament derived from cotton that could burn for over 13 hours.

We don’t really get to Edison until 1879. That’s when began to evolve his designs based on the 1875 patent he purchased from Woodward and Evans. This is the year he invents a carbon filament that could burn for 40 hours in an oxygen-less bulb. The next year, 1880, he would improve his light bulb until it could last for over 1200 hours using a bamboo-derived filament.

While Edison’s success was derived from his ability to learn from his failures, he also gets a break from building upon the successes of others who made the breakthroughs he needed first.

And then there are the 10,000 failures themselves. Without them, Edison would not have been able to leave the world with quotes like, “I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” Or, “Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” And of course,” I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” These quotes are made possible by the notion that Edison toiled long and hard until he found the right material, design, and shape to make the bulb a success.

But what if he didn’t toil so hard. What if he was on to something in prototype one that would have allowed him to offer prototype 10,001 somewhere around 2001? Or even 101? Or what if the number didn’t matter because somebody like Nikola Tesla could have succeeded before Edison? The quotes could not exist without the eventual success of the light bulb, but could they have existed with much earlier success?

James Dyson built 5127 prototypes of his vacuum cleaner over a span of about 14 years, going deeply into debt in the process.

Blendtec has been selling professional and home blenders since 1975, but didn’t gain prominence until founder Tom Dickson began the “Will It Blend” segments on YouTube in 2006. Dyson and Dickson are successful businessmen seen as pioneers in their oddly similar product lines, but a good part of that success comes from having a great story to tell.

One more quote from Edison: “Nearly every man who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That’s not the place to become discouraged.” This is a quote that I have recently taken to heart. I’ve developed some idea to the point where the do indeed look impossible, and I have been discouraged. I am about to change that.

We will talk again about my success. We will have to see how soon, but I’ve got ways to go before I reach prototype 10,001.

Hating On “Pretty Woman”

While I did date two strippers while in my early twenties (a long story that is definitely for another time) I have little knowledge of what life would be like dating a stripper. Correction, I absolutely have no knowledge of this. But from what I can gather, it would be pretty hard to pluck the one in town with a heart of gold randomly off the street with my inability to drive a stick shift (and I can drive a stick shift).

Why did I choose this morning to throw hate at the “Pretty Woman,” an almost 25-year old movie? For three reasons.

First, this morning, I gave my wife a compliment. She smiled and said thank you. I gave her another compliment ten minutes later, and she gave me the usual frowny face she gives when I give her a compliment (which makes me hesitant to give her compliments). Whom did she blame? “Pretty Woman.”

Second, while in the shower thinking of what I was going to do with my conversation with my wife, I remembered a throw-away conversation between a news anchor and an entertainment reporter at the end of a story about Julia Roberts. This is where the movie and her role as the ‘hooker with a heart of gold’ mentioned at the beginning of this piece was mentioned. The entertainment reported gushed about it being one of her favorite movies for all the romance and some-such. The anchor basically stated that the some-such was just a hooker getting lucky. There is a reason the film sits at 62% on the Rotten Tomatoes website after almost a quarter century.

Third, and most important, is my daughter. At just under two, I don’t want her to grow up being brainwashed by popular culture and peer pressure, led to believe in really stupid things like not being able to take compliments is accepted, as in that is in the script of your live that you were handed, with no chance of rewrites. There are thousands of other tropes that I have been trying to figure out how to deflect from her, but this one struck a nerve this morning (I haven’t quite given up on the fight against wearing pink, but I did concede by just mixing in a lot of grey and black).

I get that the messages the media broadcasts are supposed to sell ideas and physical stuff. I work in broadcast radio and produce many forms of content for consumption on the internet. I even write motivational and self –help literature. I so get it.

The power of a powerful message, even if the source is a silly romantic comedy, can be overwhelming. I just hope Johanna Jasmine falls more in line with Erin Brockovich (from 2000 with an 84% rating). And I hate both movies.

Therapy Week from J Cleveland Payne, February 10-14 2014

Setting up February 10-14, the week of love leading up to Valentine’s Day, as Therapy Week from J Cleveland Payne. Ask me a question or give me a situation, as serious or as silly as you want it to be, and somewhere between myself and a few friends and colleagues I call experts, we’ll get you an answer. We can’t guarantee the outcome from that answer, but we will give you somewhere to start.

Want in? Start submitting your questions here, or send them confidentially via email at jclevelandpayne@gmail.com.